his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just invented taco cereal.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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