I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
how does that bad decision feel?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
