The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
