i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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