Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
