Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
