dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
