Screwed.edu
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
