Apparently you make a good broom.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
