My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
