The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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