I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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