if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
