I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
