So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Someone signed my nipple.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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