ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
