Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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