dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
