I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
