is your mom at the bar?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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