That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
