we have pet lesbian snakes
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
