ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
