Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
