drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
