This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
