Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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