you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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