His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
