Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
