I'm so fucking centered right now
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
