I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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