Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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