you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
