So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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