You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
