She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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