Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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