It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
