jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
