Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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