whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
