I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
