idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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