Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
