either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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