So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
