Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
