This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
