Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
