Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
