please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
