dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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