the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
